Sting. Monday, June 4. Olympiysky Stadium. 19.00.
This yogi is a shadow of his former self, and his former self sucked dog dick. There is nothing left for Sting to do now except die. The good news is that if he keeps losing his hearing at the current rate, by 2003 he’ll have to give up touring. While it might seem like a long time to have to wait, at least it gives us something to anticipate. But, then again maybe going deaf would just make him focus more energy on getting rid of landmines and various other no-brain political stands. So he should probably skip the going deaf bit and just die.
Deep Dish. Friday - Saturday, June 1 - 2. Club XIII. 00.00.
Two Arab DJs from the States whose worldwide escapades are reportedly financed by Bin Ladin. The FBI believes their remixes of Madonna and the Pet Shop Boys are an elaborate front designed to deflect attention from Jihad.com’s hostile takeover of Islam.org. Think of it as vertical integration. This weekend won’t just be a night of Allah-friendly dance music, though. Whichever weekend set works out better will be turned into an album to be played in clubs around the world. Alright!Skatalites. Thursday, June 31. Restavratsya. 22.00. Friday, June 1. DK Gorbunova. 00.00.
Before you get all excited about the Skatalites coming to town, check out the prices. The usually democratically priced Gorbunov is charging R450 a head, and Restavratsya is trying to stave off bankruptcy with ticket prices that start at R900. Sound like a lot to pay for a bunch of ageing Jamaicans that haven’t changed their act since the sixties? It is. And, half of the original group has already died from lung cancer. Even some of the guys who joined in the third wave of Skatalite recruiting have died off. All that’s left is basically a cover band. But if you are into that, all power to you. At least they’re covering good music.Opening Party. Thursday, June 7. Kult. 20:00.
This is the first club to open in months, at least if you don’t count all the tittie bars. Thataway, boys! According to various sources, resident DJs Dolshika and Zap-a don’t spin loud enough to ruin conversations. Unfortunately the club’s name is a misnomer. There won’t be any brainwashing or group sex or organizational meetings that plan nerve gas attacks in the Metro. Instead, Kult is billing itself as a chill out club, aiming to be like Propaganda before they take the tables away. While it probably won’t be quite that nice, at least the prices are cheap for now. It should be a hit among the turtleneck owning segment of the population. Ominously, they are experimenting with putting art on display - some orange themed photo exhibit from Amsterdam is going to make its Moscow debut on Thursday. Hopefully, though, the forces of darkness will spare this place and the faux-pretentious thing won’t be too overdone.Yuzskaya 5. Tel: 917-5706. M. Kitai Gorod.